Seeing a new mental health provider—whether you’re a total newbie or seasoned pro—can feel a lot like a first date:

You’re awkwardly sitting across from one another, asking questions to see if you’ll ultimately be a good fit together. 

You’re trying to determine how much of your guard to let down, just in case this person doesn’t really have your best interest at heart. 

And at the end of the “date,” you ruminate on all the potentially awkward things you said and wonder how you can play it cooler next time around.

The anticipation of this weird getting-to-know-you period can make us throw our hands up and say, “Nevermind! I’m not going.” But, if you’re even a little interested in going to therapy, there’s some prep work you can do beforehand to walk into your first session with calm and confidence.

Let’s start together.

Why Therapy?

Therapy aims to investigate the root causes of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help you live a healthier, fuller life. Most people think you need to be in a full-blown crisis to see a mental health provider. But there are plenty of reasons to seek out therapy, like a desire to:

• Manage physical or mental stress

• Process a traumatic event

• Create more fulfilling relationships

• Discuss personal issues with a neutral party

• Address symptoms of a specific mental health concern, like anxiety or depression

Overall, therapy can be a great way to learn new skills, develop healthier habits, talk about stressful relationships, or just get to know yourself better.

So, with so many reasons to go to therapy, how do you know if therapy is your best next step?

The truth is, you can go to therapy just because you want to, not because you have to. But if you’re looking to reassure yourself that this is a good investment on your part (read: Do I really need this?) there are several questions you can ask yourself:

• Am I going through something stressful?

• Is it impacting any aspect of my life I wish it wasn’t?

• Are my current coping skills cutting it? 

Bottom line: You’re worth taking care of. And you can go to therapy for that reason, and that reason only. But if you’re going through something stressful (Hello, motherhood!) and find your current ways of coping aren’t helpful anymore, that’s even more reason to seek professional help.

How to Find a Mental Health Provider

If the first hurdle toward trying therapy is deciding to give it a go, the second hurdle is finding a provider. It can feel daunting to know where to start. 

Here are some options:

• Consult your insurance plan for a list of covered providers in your area.

• Ask someone you trust, who might have a great recommendation for you.

• Use a reliable online database, like the one offered by Postpartum Support International.

• Explore local resources through your job, church, or other affiliations.

• Google, “therapist near me” or “help for [your concern] near me.”

Honestly, there’s a difference between finding a therapist and finding a therapist you’ll actually want to continue seeing. That’s because to get the best out of your experience, you need to have a strong therapeutic alliance.

The Therapeutic Alliance

The therapeutic alliance is a fancy term for the working relationship between patient/client and mental health provider. It describes how you fit together as you work toward your goals. 

Multiple research studies confirm that a strong, positive therapeutic alliance is one of the biggest predictors of treatment outcomes, regardless of diagnosis or type of therapy. 

This means the fit between you and your new mental health provider is one of the most important things to look out for in those beginning phases.

While it takes time to build an ideal therapeutic alliance, there should be an initial *click* that tells you a new provider is worth working with. So, don’t fall into the trap of letting proximity, insurance, or cost make your choice for you. Make sure you feel good about your initial relationship with your new mental health provider. And if things change, and you realize you’re not actually clicking, it’s time to move on and try again. And that’s absolutely OK!

20 Questions to Ask Your New Mental Health Provider

To see if the vibes are right from the beginning, you should ask lots of questions. I realize it can be awkward to interview a mental health provider, especially since there’s often an unspoken power dynamic between patient and provider. But a good provider should expect and welcome your questions. So don’t be afraid to ask.

Most therapists offer a 15-minute-or-so consultation where you can explain why you’d like to see a mental health provider, share your specific objectives, and ask them all your questions. Here are some to get you started.

The Logistics

The logistics of seeing a therapist—like the cost and their credentials—can be some of the most nerve-wracking questions. But topics like these can make or break your ability to continue seeking treatment from this person. So, talking and asking questions about the practical, logistical parts of therapy is necessary. These include questions like:

• How long have you been practicing?

• What licenses and certifications do you have?

• What professional organizations do you belong to?

• How much do you charge?

• Do you take my insurance? 

The Fit

Finding a therapist that meshes with your personality—and that you can ultimately build that therapeutic alliance with—is a necessary part of the process. Use these questions to determine if you’d be a good fit together:

• How many clients like me have you worked with?

• What are your strengths and limitations as a provider?

• What’s your general approach and philosophy when it comes to therapy?

• Are you more guiding or directive?

• What type of approach do you commonly use for my concerns?

• Have you worked with people of my age/race/gender/abilities/sexual orientation?

• What work have you done to challenge your cultural biases and increase sensitivity to my identities?

• What happens if we’re not a good fit?

• Can you prescribe medication?

Questions about medication are important ones. Most mental health providers—psychologists, therapists, counselors, social workers, and so on—cannot prescribe medication. Should they recommend medication to treat any mental health concerns, they’d need to refer you to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are medical doctors that specialize in mental health and can prescribe medications.

If you know you’d like the option of medication management and you’d like to skip the referral step, starting with a psychiatrist might be a better option for you. Just keep in mind in many communities psychiatrists are more expensive and less flexible with their schedules.

The Goals

Part of effective therapy is setting achievable goals that you and the therapist can work on together. By creating these goals, you create a roadmap for treatment. This includes the frequency, duration, and content of your therapy. These questions can tell you how effectively a provider would be at helping you set and reach your goals:

• How do you think therapy can help me?

• How often do you anticipate seeing me? For how long?

• What do your counseling goals look like?

• What would success mean in this space?

• Do you give reading/homework to your patients?

• How do I prepare for my first session?

You’re doing great.

Exploring therapy is an important part of self-care. And you don’t have to do it alone! Talking with your partner or a trusted friend about this process can give you the extra boost you need to find the right therapist for you. You’ve got this, mama!