When people said, “You’ll never sleep again,” we didn’t really know what that meant. But now, as parents, we’re in the thick of it:

Cluster feeding.

Sleep regressions.

Nighttime potty training.

A 2018 study estimates the average parent gets less than 5 hours of sleep per night in the first year. (And it seems like it never ends.) Another study found that parents experience less-than-adequate sleep for the first six years of parenthood. 

That load isn’t shared equally, either. On average, moms lose an extra hour of sleep per night compared to dads’ 13 minutes of lost slumber. 

It’s no wonder we’re feeling totally sleep deprived.

What is Sleep Deprivation?

Sleep deprivation can happen any time we don’t get the sleep we need. After three months, sleep deprivation is considered a chronic problem.

While overall hours certainly matter, the quality of our sleep is even more important. Fragmented sleep, where we’re frequently woken or continue to toss and turn, is particularly damaging. (Sound familiar?)

In the short term–even after a single night without restful sleep–we start to experience negative consequences. Short-term sleep deprivation most commonly causes:

• Irritability and rage

• Poor energy and general fatigue

• Forgetfulness

• Inability to concentrate

• Decreased reaction times

Over time, chronic sleep deprivation side effects get more intense:

• Longer healing times after delivery

• Increased risk of contagious illness

• Higher risk of long-term illnesses like cardiovascular disease and diabetes

• Unsafe sleep practices

The link between sleep deprivation and mental health conditions is also incredibly strong, particularly in the early postpartum period. Research shows that poor sleep can increase symptoms of anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

4 Sleepy-Time Relaxation Activities

Some days, it can be tough to calm ourselves down for sleep—despite how exhausted we are. Our heads hit the pillow and suddenly we’re wide awake. Whether it’s the unfinished to-do list from today or the upcoming to-do list for tomorrow, our brains keep running on those quickly depleting fumes. 

Then, we turn to our phones or other screens, hoping to distract and numb our brains into slumberland. Even though we know it’s really counterproductive. 

While we can’t control the kid-centric side of sleep (especially in those early weeks), we can choose more productive activities to improve our own sleep no matter how much we’re getting these days. 

These relaxation activities can help!

#1 Diaphragmatic Breathing

Also called belly breathing, this technique can reduce stress and tension in the body.

While lying on your back, place one hand on your upper chest and the other right below your ribcage. Breathe in through your nose, letting the breath fill your belly. Keep your chest still. Slowly exhale through your mouth.

Even just a few minutes of belly breathing can make us more relaxed and ready for sleep!

#2 The Body Scan

Body scans are a type of visualization exercise. When you practice this somatic meditation, you increase a sense of well-being and awareness in your body. This can decrease stress and prepare your body for slumber.

Start by taking a few deep breaths to begin relaxing. Bring attention to your feet, noticing the sensations and tension you’re feeling in that area. If you notice discomfort, acknowledge the feeling. Then, visualize that tension leaving your body through your breath. When you’re ready, move your focus up toward your calves. Repeat the process of noticing and naming any discomfort, then visualize it releasing from your body. Methodically move your attention toward other areas until you’ve scanned your entire body.

#3 Progressive Muscle Relaxation

It’s harder to be mentally tense when our bodies are relaxed. Progressive muscle relaxation can loosen our muscles, giving our brain a chance to do the same. 

This is best done with an auditory guide, and you’ll find plenty on YouTube. These meditations will lead you through each muscle group, from your forehead to your toes. 

Lie down in bed, breathe in and contract each muscle group for 5-10 seconds. Breathe out as you release the tension. Stay relaxed for 10-20 seconds, soaking in the sensations, before moving on to the next muscle group.

#4 Journaling

If your getting-to-sleep problems are more mental, journaling can be an excellent way to empty your brain so you can finally relax and get some rest! Leave your stress and worries to the paper and pen, not your mind. If you’re not into formal journaling, just keeping a notepad by your bed to empty thoughts as they come can be a helpful strategy.

Catch those zzz’s.

Getting good sleep is hard. But there’s help available.

My online course Keeping Mommy in Mind has an entire module about sleep and how to get more of it. Take back your joy and confidence in motherhood. Start today!

Remember, this process is tough (to say the least). If you find yourself burning out, you’re not alone. And there’s help available!
Check out my course Overcoming Parental Burnout, an online resource to help you go from exhausted to supported.

Sources and Further Reading

Bonnet, M. H., & Arand, D. L. (2003). Clinical effects of sleep fragmentation versus sleep deprivation. Sleep medicine reviews, 7(4), 297–310. https://doi.org/10.1053/smrv.2001.0245   

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2016, July 15). Sleep Hygiene Tips - Sleep and Sleep Disorders. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/sleep_hygiene.html . 

Chahine, E. (2021, June 9). Sleep Deprivation and New Parenthood. Sleep Foundation. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-deprivation/parents. 

Richter, D., Krämer, M. D., Tang, N., Montgomery-Downs, H. E., & Lemola, S. (2019). Long-term effects of pregnancy and childbirth on sleep satisfaction and duration of first-time and experienced mothers and fathers. Sleep, 42(4), zsz015. https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/zsz015

Suni, E. (2020, August 14). What Is Sleep Hygiene? Sleep Foundation.https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene.