Just wait until…

Someday, you’ll miss this.

Enjoy every moment!

You should be grateful.

While these statements are most likely well-intentioned, they don’t always feel that way. 

When we encounter calls to increase gratitude in our lives, our first response might be disbelief, frustration, or anger:

How am I expected to seize the present when everyone else keeps talking about the future?

How am I supposed to “enjoy every minute” when I’m having a really hard time? 

Am I a bad mom for not being constantly grateful?

If any of those statements resonates, please remember that motherhood is objectively hard. 

You can’t (and shouldn’t) feel 100% a certain way all the time. So if you go a whole day—or even several days in a row—not being able to muster up any authentic gratitude, it’s OK!

Also, it’s important to know there’s actually a right and wrong way to engage in gratitude practices. One way stirs up the shoulds. The other way—the healthier way—can actually improve your well-being.

Let’s dive in together!

What Gratitude Is (and Isn’t)

Gratitude is the practice of recognizing goodness within and outside of ourselves and giving credit to the things and people that bring that goodness into our lives. 

The benefits of gratitude have been studied for decades and give us insight into what our lives could look like if we took a walk on the positive side. 

For example, a 2017 study by the University of California, Berkeley, found that, after writing gratitude letters in addition to attending therapy, study participants experienced far better mental health outcomes than those who didn’t engage in a gratitude activity. 

Researchers found that by refocusing our attention to the positive on a regular basis, we can literally change our brains! When we practice gratitude, we train our brain to be more gratitude-focused in the future, which makes us more positive in general.

Other studies corroborate this research, finding that regular gratitude practices can:

• Increase happiness and life satisfaction.

• Boost positive emotions.

• Reduce anxiety and depressive symptoms.

• Improve our health related to immune response, blood pressure, and chronic pain.

• Facilitate better sleep.

• Increase resiliency.

• Strengthen relationships.

• Promote forgiveness, generosity, and other prosocial behaviors.

Sounds great, right?

But here’s where we get tripped up: Gratitude is not toxic positivity. 

Toxic positivity is the belief that you should always be in a positive mindset, regardless of the situation or hardship. It takes positive thinking to an overgeneralized extreme, bringing on those feelings of shame and guilt when we don’t look on the bright side.

Toxic positivity says, “Just stay positive.”

Gratitude says, “I’m really struggling and I can recognize the good at the same time.”

In this way, gratitude grows our attention beyond our immediate experiences and challenges us to acknowledge the overall good we’re receiving. We can be struggling and remain optimistic at the same time. And acknowledging the two is a healthy balance we all need to practice!

7 Gratitude Activities to Practice Right Now

#1 Say, “Thank you!” more often.

The first activity? Literally give thanks! By expressing your gratitude to other people, you exercise an important social function that can help you feel better as a result. It can also remind you of what you were grateful for throughout the day.

#2 Keep a journal.

You don’t have to use any fancy tools to practice gratitude. A piece of paper and a pen will do! Try writing down 3-5 things every day or week that you’re grateful for. 

If you’re into research, you can also try the Thnx4 online gratitude journal. This platform allows you to track your own gratitude entries while also contributing to important research on how gratitude impacts our daily lives for the better. 

#3 Write a letter.

Letter writing is a great way to practice gratitude. Writing a gratitude letter helps you honor those people in your life who have brought you joy, support, or comfort. It can also build social relationships and empathy. (And research shows you don’t even have to send the letter to experience the benefits of this exercise!) Check out this prompt to get you started.

#4 Use a jar.

A gratitude jar is a simple exercise that only requires a few supplies: a jar (or box), paper, pen, and anything you want to decorate your new container. At the end of your day, add at least one thing to the jar. Over time, you’ll have a visual reminder of how many things you have to be grateful for.

#5 Pick a rock.

A rock—or any small object—can be used as a physical reminder to practice gratitude throughout your day. Whenever you see it or touch it, think of one thing you’re grateful for. In addition to practicing gratitude, this activity can also help bring a mini-mindfulness session into your day. It’s a win-win!

#6 Create a gratitude board.

Like a vision board, a gratitude board can also be a visual reminder of the life you’re working toward. Create a collage of all the people, places, and things that bring you gratitude. Hang it where you can see it often! Then, every three months or so, make a new board.

#7 Become a thought-stopper.

We often find ourselves in an automatic negative mindset, especially if things just aren’t going our way that day. One thing can snowball into another. Next thing you know, every thought we’re having is a negative one. 

STOP!

By stopping those thoughts in their tracks, you can practice gratitude in the present moment. Don’t beat yourself up for having the negative thought; just notice it. And then try to follow it up with a positive thought, affirmation, or statement of gratitude. This could be as simple as: I’ve survived every rough day so far. I can do this!

Tips for Better Gratitude

Adding any new practice to your life is challenging. Use these tips to make the most of your experience:

• Be realistic and flexible. Allow yourself to “fail” at this new process.

• Challenge yourself Increase your gratitude-related activities over time.

• Practice. Give yourself the time and space to experience the benefits.

Need more support?

Being grateful is hard. Especially if you’re struggling. You deserve the support you need to thrive in motherhood, and my online course, Keeping Mommy in Mind, can help you navigate this transition with joy and confidence. 

Sources and Additional Reading

Brown, J., & Wong, J. (2017, June 6). How gratitude changes you and your brain. Greater Good. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain   

University of California, Berkeley. (n.d.). Gratitude definition: What is gratitude. Greater Good. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude/definition#how-cultivate-gratitude