I just can’t stop crying. I don’t feel like myself. I know I love her, but I just don’t feel it yet. If my partner keeps chewing like that, I’m going to lose my mind. Why is it always so noisy in here? I feel like I’m in overdrive.

Does any of that sound familiar?

Becoming a mother is a vulnerable time. Our identities reshape, our bodies transform, and our relationship dynamics shift—all while we’re getting far too little sleep. What we’ve been told this is “supposed” to be like or what we’re “supposed” to be feeling is totally opposite from our reality.

We’re promised this will be the best time of our lives, and that the “baby blues” and hormonal roller coaster rides are just paving the way for bigger, better, heart-grows-three-times-its-size experiences with our babies. 

But we’re struggling. And because this transition isn’t what people say it should be, we wind up feeling guilt and shame. We feel abnormal and alone. And we sit with all of that longer than we have to because it’s “just the baby blues,” right?

What if it’s not just the baby blues?

 Sure, sometimes our sadness, overwhelm, and mood swings are “just” the baby blues. (Just meaning only because there’s nothing just about it.) 

This experience is a totally normal response to becoming a mother, with 50-80% of new moms reporting symptoms like:

• Crying

• Feeling overwhelmed or uncertain

• Acute sleep deprivation and fatigue

• Emotional reactivity

• Mood swings

Baby blues isn’t a psychiatric condition or diagnosis. It’s an ultra-common, time-limited, spontaneously-resolving, hormone-induced phenomenon. One minute we’re happy and totally in love. The next we’re tearing up because one day they’re going to outgrow us and go to college and get married and, and, and… 

While science still hasn’t totally demystified the baby blues, here’s a pretty sound theory: When we have a baby, we produce more serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. These neurotransmitters are great for improving and stabilizing our mood. But, because humans are full of pesky contradictions, we also start producing more of an enzyme called MAO-A. Its main job? To break down all those feel-good chemicals, resulting in the emotional ups, downs, and loop-de-loops.

The ride usually stops after a few weeks. But after that, if things don’t seem to be getting better, it might not be baby blues. It might be a postpartum mood disorder. But don’t panic.

Postpartum Mood Disorders

Postpartum mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) are also really common. They include diagnoses like:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Obsessive-compulsive disorder

• Posttraumatic stress disorder

• Bipolar disorder

• Psychosis

Postpartum depression (PPD) is the most common, affecting between 10% and 15% of new moms. But, in truth, the prevalence of PPD is likely much higher.  It’s estimated that only 40% of all cases of PPD are diagnosed, and only 60% of those receive treatment.

That may be, in part, because baby blues and PPD look really similar at first glance. Among others, PPD includes symptoms like:

• Sadness

• Increased tearfulness or crying

• Feeling overwhelmed

• An awareness of "this doesn't feel like me"

• Irritability and anger

The overlap can make it hard to know what’s more manageable and short-lived (baby blues) and what might prompt your need for a little more support (PPD).

Distinguishing Between PPD and Baby Blues

To tease out the difference between PPD and baby blues, we have to look at timing, duration, and severity.

Baby blues occur within a few days of delivery, usually peaking around days three to five postpartum, and should last no more than a few weeks. And while the baby blues can really suck, the symptoms are generally mild. Your baseline mood is happy, with brief interruptions of sadness, tearfulness, or irritability. It doesn’t disrupt your day-to-day activities.

Postpartum depression can present at any time during the entire first year of your postpartum experience, usually peaking four months post-delivery. Symptoms will last longer than two weeks, occur almost daily, and last throughout the day. 

PPD can be much more severe, particularly if left untreated. Your baseline mood will be low or irritable, and to a greater degree than experienced in baby blues. PPD also has more severe red flags. In addition to the symptoms it shares with baby blues, PPD can cause:

• Loss of interest

• Poor concentration

• Changes in appetite and sleep

• Unexplained physical ailments, like headaches or stomach aches

• Having a hard time caring for oneself (or baby)

• Lack of feeling toward baby

• Isolation

• Guilt and shame

• Hopelessness and helplessness

• Co-occurring anxiety symptoms

• Suicidal thoughts

 

If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to the emergency room right away.

Getting Support for Baby Blues and PPD

Trying to determine the difference between PPD and baby blues yourself, and getting support for whatever symptoms you’re experiencing, can seem daunting. Please know there’s help available.

 

Whether it’s baby blues or PPD, there are plenty of ways you can take care of yourself. Try these tips to manage your mood:

• Ask for (and actually accept) help from others.

• Talk to a non-judgmental support person or group.

• Get outside for sun exposure and light exercise.

• Eat yummy, wholesome food.

• Decrease your alcohol, caffeine, and sugar consumption.

• Take a break and enjoy some you time.

• Create a self-care bag with your favorite stress-relievers, like poetry, bubble bath, music, puzzles, and so on.

• Find a therapist through Postpartum Support International.

• Ask your OBGYN about medications that might ease your symptoms.

 

Those last two options can be particularly helpful. They can help you tease out all the details and collaborate with you on a treatment plan that you feel comfortable with and supported by.

Motherhood is tough. Let’s lighten the load.

Keeping Mommy in Mind, my online course, focuses extensively on PMADs—from recognizing the signs to everyday coping strategies. You deserve to conquer this transition with joy and confidence. Start today!

Sources

Anokye, R., Acheampong, E., Budu-Ainooson, A., Obeng, E. I., & Akwasi, A. G. (2018). Prevalence of postpartum depression and interventions utilized for its management. Annals of general psychiatry, 17, 18. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12991-018-0188-0

Bass, P. F., & Bauer, N. S. (2018). Parental postpartum depression: More than “baby blues.” Contemporary PEDS Journal, 35(9). https://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/view/parental-postpartum-depression-more-baby-blues

Postpartum Support International - PSI. Postpartum Support International. (n.d.). https://postpartum.net/. 

Ream, A. (2019, November 25). Is it baby blues or postpartum depression? How to tell the difference. Motherly. https://www.mother.ly/life/is-it-baby-blues-or-postpartum-depression-how-to-tell-the-difference. 

Shepherd, S. (2018, June 8). How to cope with postpartum 'baby blues'-from a clinical psychologist. Motherly. https://www.mother.ly/life/how-to-cope-with-postpartum-baby-blues-from-a-clinical-psychologist.