Parenthood can turn our worries up to 11. We spend countless hours and restless nights replaying the what ifs and how wills.

 What if I’m not doing a good job?

What if he doesn’t meet his milestones?

How will I balance work, being a mom, and my own wants and needs?

What if I walk into the nursery and she isn’t breathing?

How will I know if I’m feeding him the right stuff?

How will I possibly leave them at preschool or with a babysitter?

What if they get sick or hurt?

 

As these worries continue to take space in our minds, we become overwhelmed. We have a hard time concentrating, completing chores, or leaving the house. We feel like we’re drowning as our threshold for stress gets lower and lower.

 

Suddenly our worry has become anxiety. 

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a state of excessive uneasiness, nervousness, or worry. Sometimes our anxiety is acute, happening every now and then or only when we’re put in certain situations. But anxiety can also be chronic, persisting throughout the day regardless of the circumstances. It often looks like:

• Agitation and irritability

• Difficulty sitting still

• Excessive worry

• Increased concern over your and baby’s health or sleep

• Appetite changes

• Racing thoughts

• Shortness of breath

• Increased heart rate

• Feeling on edge or on high alert

• Thinking of worst-case scenarios

 

This combination of tension, worried thoughts, and physical symptoms make anxiety very uncomfortable. It can increase to the level of panic, where we start to wonder if the pain in our chest is a physical manifestation of what’s happening in our heads… or if it’s a full-blown heart attack.

 

All of these symptoms make it easy to paint anxiety as the villain. But worrying about your babies is totally normal and anxiety actually serves an important purpose. 

The Purpose of Anxiety

Over millions of years of evolution, our brains have kept anxiety around for a reason. Way back when, our neanderthal ancestors needed these not-so-great feelings to help them recognize, escape from, and prevent life-or-death scenarios.

 

Today, anxiety still serves the same purpose. The world can be a dangerous, messy place. And we want to protect our kids from all of it! But sometimes, our brains start to signal danger when there actually isn’t any.

 

These false alarms are often triggered in times of stress, of which parenting has plenty. And as our brains continue to send these signals to the rest of our bodies, we get more easily overwhelmed by future stresses.

 

Now you’re finding your anxiety keeps you up at night, is hard to ignore, or is ramping up into intrusive thoughts and images. You start to feel hopeless, helpless, and lonely.

 

But you’re not alone. And there are tools that can help. 

5 Tips to Reduce Anxiety

Tip #1 Remind yourself that feelings aren’t facts.

We often act like our thoughts and feelings are 100% fact. We worry we’re not doing a good job as a mom, so that means we actually aren’t doing a good job. But just because you think it doesn’t make it true. 

Here’s another example:

You call your partner and they don’t answer the phone. You try again a couple minutes later and still no luck. You start imagining the worst-case scenario possible. It’s an ugly place with endless possibilities. But they call you back 10 minutes later, apologizing for leaving their phone in another room.

 

Just because you thought X, Y, and Z terrible thing happened to them, doesn’t mean it actually happened.

 

The next time you find yourself in a similar scenario, make a note of it. What was the event that triggered the anxiety? What messages did you tell yourself? Then, remind yourself that your feelings and thoughts aren’t facts.

 

Tip #2 Acknowledge, don’t suppress.

Being “healed” from anxiety doesn’t mean you’ll no longer experience it. In fact, when we try to ignore and suppress our anxiety so we don’t feel it, our anxiety pushes back with greater force.

 

Instead, acknowledge the feeling and let it pass. Think of anxiety like a house guest. Tell it, “I see you’re coming into my house. That’s fine, but you can’t stay long. We’ll have to cut the visit short.”

 

Recognize, acknowledge, and label the feeling… and then show it the door!

Tip #3 Reframe catastrophic thoughts.

Catastrophizing is when our thoughts spiral down that deep dark rabbit hole of endless negative possibilities. It’s jumping to the worst-case scenario immediately. This makes it really hard to get ahold of our anxiety and keep it under control.

 

When you feel yourself in this state, take a deep breath and write it all down. Then, challenge the thoughts. If a friend came to you with these anxious thoughts, you wouldn’t say, “Oh, yeah. That’s definitely going to happen!” You would probably be more supportive and compassionate. Catch the catastrophic thoughts and talk to yourself like you would respond to a friend. 

Tip #4 Calm your body!

Anxiety often comes with physical symptoms. Because of where all the warning signals come from in the brain, our bodies naturally tense up and activate. It gets ready to fight, fly, or freeze. Calming our bodies is just as important as calming our minds.

 

Use relaxation skills like deep breathing, stretching, mindfulness meditation, yoga, or whatever makes your body feel loose and calm. This will tell your brain and body, “I’m safe, I’m okay.” These skills release the tension, slow down the mind, and help you come back to the present moment.

Tip #5 Find extra help.

Sometimes our life circumstances are so stressful, or our anxiety is so great, we have trouble tackling it on our own. And we don’t have to! 

If you’re open to taking medication, even if only for a short time, talk with your OB/GYN or primary care doctor to get started. If you’d like to try therapy, Postpartum Support International has a directory of providers. Your doctors may also be able to give you local referrals.

You can do this.

Resources can make all the difference. Keeping Mommy in Mind, my online course and virtual community, teaches you how to improve your mood and prioritize your wellbeing. Start today!