6 Tips for Better Body Image
When did you first notice your body? What made you notice your body?
For me, it was my grandmother. I vividly remember her commenting on the size of my body when I was a young girl—along with the portions on my plate.
Her words didn’t just cause me to notice my body. They made me believe thinness was to be admired and desired. My grandmother’s remarks unveiled a world to me that I hadn’t seen and wasn’t prepared for. I was exposed to self-doubt, criticism, anxiety, and a constant striving for an ideal I was far too young to worry about.
I was introduced to the idea of body image.
What is body image?
Body image isn’t just how we look or believe we appear. It’s also our experience in our body. It’s holistic—how we think and feel about our body and what we do with it.
We begin to develop our body image at a young age. And for most of us, it’s a shameful and degrading beginning. In fact, almost any woman will tell you about a moment like the one I had with my grandmother... an exchange that triggered an awareness of her body. The moment she left body neutrality behind and began to notice and criticize. The moment she began to judge herself for how she looked.
I’m guessing you can relate.
Sometimes, we’re able to brush off the comments, inspections, gazes, and judgments of others. But early body image issues can stick with us.
Do you struggle with body image? Ask yourself:
Do I spend a lot of time thinking about the parts of my body I dislike?
Does my appearance weigh heavily on my self-esteem?
Do I avoid activities, events, or gatherings because my appearance makes me uncomfortable?
Does the voice in my head criticize my body? How often?
Do I try to cover up parts of my body I don’t like?
Do I spend a lot of time trying to “fix” what I don’t like?
A yes to any of those questions might indicate that body image is a struggle for you. And you’re not alone! Research shows between 13% and 40% of women experience body dissatisfaction. But ask any woman, and they’re likely to tell you something they dislike about their bodies.
Effects of Poor Body Image
The way we perceive our bodies, and the way we move through the world because of our self-perceptions, can heavily impact our self-esteem. We stop valuing ourselves because of the way we look.
And when we don’t value ourselves, we experience:
Social anxiety
Symptoms of depression
Disordered eating
Self-doubt
Overwhelm
Self-criticism and negative self-talk
Isolation and withdrawal from social activities
Poor coping skills
Poor sexual intimacy
And as moms, it can be even harder to value ourselves and our bodies.
Body Image and Motherhood
During pregnancy and postpartum, our body image issues become more obvious. They can also bring new concerns and insecurities to the table.
We gain weight and our weight shifts across our bodies.
We develop new lines, marks, grooves, and dimples.
Our hands, feet, and faces swell.
Our hair gets thick and luscious then falls out in chunks.
We get hormonal acne.
We don’t move through the world the same way.
None of our clothes fit or are comfortable.
We barely recognize ourselves. All of these changes can bring up old, amplify current, or create new body image issues.
In pregnancy it’s (a bit) easier to accept these changes. We’re growing limbs and eyeballs and entire nervous systems, after all. Appreciating our bodies for the work they’re doing comes a bit more naturally for those few months.
But as postpartum women, it’s tougher—especially because we’re easy targets for the $2.7 billion weight loss industry. We’re immediately inundated by offers to “rescue” us from our own bodies. We get ads and advice for losing belly fat, shrinking our midsections, tightening our skin, erasing our stretch marks, and generally covering up the body that produced an entire human.
We get pressure from the people in our lives, too. The first thing people often say to us post-baby is, “You look great!” As if looking great were somehow a measure of our worth as a new mom. Or the negative comments roll in: You look tired. You’ll bounce back soon. Breastfeeding will get that weight off in no time.
6 Tips to Help You Love Your Body
You deserve to feel good about yourself and your body. It’s taken time to adopt and reinforce the negative scripts you’ve developed about your body, and it will take time to disarm those messages. These tips will help.
#1 Figure out when your body image issues began.
Remember, the foundations for your current body image were most likely laid in childhood. Going back in your mind and learning the story of your body and any negative beliefs you have about it brings a new level of awareness and understanding.
Reflect on the earliest memories you have that influenced your body image. They can be messages about your body, someone else’s body, cultural ideas, physical changes, traumatic events, or anything that affected how you and your body experienced the world.
Write them down and allow space to process the thoughts and feelings that come up.
#2 Tune in to your self-talk.
The way you talk to yourself significantly impacts how you feel about and perceive yourself. You simply can’t improve your body image if your inner dialogue is beating you up all day. So listen to what you’re telling yourself about your body throughout the day. And listen to what you’re telling yourself about other peoples’ bodies.
Once you recognize how you talk to yourself, work toward changing your thoughts to neutral statements. Instead of, “My body is disgusting,” try a more neutral statement like, “I’m uncomfortable in my body.” Or, instead of, “My stretch marks are gross,” try, “I have stretch marks.”
Shifting to bodily neutrality helps take value away from negative perceptions. When you observe without judgment, you allow space for self-appreciation instead of deprecation.
#3 Set boundaries.
To grow, we need to let go. If something in your life is creating space for harsh criticism, activates comparison, or just leaves you feeling terrible about yourself, it’s time to let go of it.
In short, you may need to set boundaries with other people. If a friend or family member constantly comments on your weight, try saying, “I’m uncomfortable talking about my body with you” or “I’m not looking for feedback on my body.”
Setting boundaries is also an important step to take with yourself. Set limits for what you consume—including places, people, conversations, inner dialogue, and media. Pay attention to how you feel throughout the day, what triggers a negative body image experience for you, and set boundaries accordingly.
#4 Give thanks.
Think of your body as a living person. If you shamed, covered, criticized, compared, and critiqued someone over and over again, would they flourish? Probably not.
Instead, what if you cared for this person? What if you reminded them of all their successes and expressed your gratitude for the impact they’ve made on your life?
Your body needs love and support to grow and flourish. So much of the goodness of your body goes unnoticed. It takes practice, but when you recognize and show gratitude for your body, you’ll develop a more positive relationship with it.
#5 Write a letter.
Try writing a letter to your younger self. What would you say to them about their body? What would you want your younger self to think of their body?
Writing a letter can be a powerful way to collect your thoughts and take corrective action. You can take the opportunity to tell yourself what you wished you would have heard, apologize to yourself, or whatever feels right to you.
#6 Find a therapist.
Body image work is lifelong. We’re continually exposed to messages that objectify our bodies and tell us we have to look a certain way to be desirable or worthy.
While the above tips are a great starting place, you may need extra support. Finding a therapist that can help you explore your body image—past and present—can be a healing and transformative experience. Find one through Postpartum International.
Your body is beautiful the way it is.
But it’s so easy to feel the opposite. That’s why in my online course, Keeping Mommy in Mind, we talk about how to stop negative thinking patterns and activate our bodies and minds to feel more energized and content. Check it out here!
Sources
Cash, T. F. (2008). The Body Image Workbook: An Eight-step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks. United States: New Harbinger Publications.
Fallon, E. A., Harris, B. S., & Johnson, P. (2014). Prevalence of body dissatisfaction among a United States adult sample. Eating behaviors, 15(1), 151–158. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eatbeh.2013.11.007
Quittkat, H. L., Hartmann, A. S., Düsing, R., Buhlmann, U., & Vocks, S. (2019). Body Dissatisfaction, Importance of Appearance, and Body Appreciation in Men and Women Over the Lifespan. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00864
Williams, E.F., T.F. Cash, and M. T. Santos. 2004. Positive and negative body image: Precursors, correlates, and consequences. Poster presented at the Conference of the Association for Advancement of Behavior Therapy, New Orleans.
