7 End-of-Summer Tips to Keep You from Losing Your Cool
Summer is tricky, isn’t it? At first, we love all the extra time with our kids. But at some point, things start to feel a little… off.
With vacations, summer camps, and marathon pool parties in the rear view, the days blur together into one big ball of boredom. At this point, we’re all just trying to survive those last few unscheduled weeks of summer vacation so we can get back to the sweet freedom of the school routine.
But there’s a lot of parenting left to do this summer. And burnout is just around the corner.
What’s parental burnout?
Often, when we hear burnout we think about occupational burnout: overworked healthcare workers, underappreciated corporate employees, and understaffed helping professionals.
But burnout isn’t just for the out-of-the-home workforce. It also applies to the 24/7/365 work we do as parents.
Parental burnout is the combination of overwhelming exhaustion, emotional distancing, and a sense of ineffectiveness as a parent that results from chronic parenting stress. It comes with “fun” symptoms like a consistently bad mood, feeling “touched out,” difficulty thinking clearly, and more.
When left unaddressed, parental burnout can also result in sleep disorders, chronic physical health problems, increased alcohol consumption, suicidal thoughts, marital conflicts, and child abuse and neglect.
If you’re thinking of hurting yourself or someone else, check out these resources, call 911, or go to your nearest emergency room.
Why do we burn out?
We’re often bombarded with the idea that moms are superheroes, able to accomplish anything and everything with a baby (or two) on our hip. But we’re not superheroes; we’re people. And if we try to act otherwise, burnout can become a real problem.
Especially in the early stages of matrescence—the physical, emotional, psychological, and relational changes that come with motherhood—we’re more vulnerable to parental burnout. In addition, burnout is more likely if we:
Experience little to no support from our co-parent, family, or friends.
Have a job in addition to parenting.
Have a child with a disability or medical complications.
Are financially strained.
Have a history of self-doubt, depression, anxiety, or perfectionism.
Find it difficult to ask for help.
Most of us experience one or more of these things at one time or another. But when we experience multiple risk factors, and if our coping skills aren’t enough to stave off the consequences, we’re left feeling fried.
And summertime is the perfect storm for burnout. You’re caretaking 24/7 with no breaks in sight. You might also be juggling a full-time job on top of your kids’ summer plans. And kids go wild without the routine of the school year. Plus… it’s just too hot outside.
But here’s the good news: Burnout is temporary. And there are things you can do to mitigate it.
7 Ways to Manage End-of-Summer Burnout
#1 Embrace self-compassion.
Self-compassion is your #1 tool against burnout.
If a friend were experiencing burnout, you would make allowances, show grace, and offer support. But when you experience burnout, you’re extra hard on yourself. You beat yourself up, set your expectations too high, and get caught in a spiral of self-criticism.
Let’s be clear: You deserve the same compassion you would offer a friend.
So, it’s time to practice some self-compassion. To start embracing this new mindset, try changing how you talk to yourself:
Burnout says, “We should be making memories this summer.”
Self-compassion says, “It’s enough just to get through today.”
Burnout says, “I’m not good enough.”
Self-compassion says, “I’m trying my hardest.”
Burnout says, “I’m screwing things up.”
Self-compassion says, “It’s okay to feel unsure.”
#2 Adjust your expectations.
Folks (especially moms) often view summertime as an opportunity to fit in all the family, friends, and fun possible before school starts back up. We want to create unforgettable summer memories for our little ones.
But that’s a lot of work.
The mental load alone of planning and executing all those fun activities is enough to put anyone in a state of burnout! So, adjust your expectations. Do just enough to get through these next few weeks.
If you’re having a hard time with this, check out 5 Tips for Addressing Perfectionism and Embracing a Good Enough Mother Mentality.
#3 Get back into a routine.
Start to practice your school routine a few weeks before you need to. Kids thrive when they know what to expect next. It’s no wonder they tend to go totally off the wall during the unscheduled summer months!
So to keep everyone from losing it, try returning to a routine your kids recognize: Pull out the chore chart. Try to have regular meal times. See if you can have some sort of consistent schedule each day, rather than a free-for-all that makes you the Director of Entertainment. You’ve got this!
#4 Set (and keep) boundaries.
While we’re talking about routines, let’s talk about boundaries. Kids are expert boundary-testers. They’re like little lawyers, arguing (and usually winning) for whatever their little hearts desire. Especially over the summer when everything’s a bit more lax than usual.
As parents, one of our hardest jobs is setting and keeping boundaries. And even though you’ll likely receive some—or a lot—of pushback, remember this: Kids thrive when they have predictable, safe boundaries set for them.
So, keep it up! While you might be a little more flexible than when you’re in school-year mode, staying as close as you can to your normal rules and boundaries will be helpful in maintaining the peace in your home. Which means you’ll probably feel a little less burned out.
#5 Increase your leisure time.
Research shows breaks are more than necessary for our health. But with kids home all day, every day, breaks can be extra hard to work in.
Here are some quick ways to take a break:
Sit outside for 10 minutes.
Say yes to things that interest you.
Say no to things you don’t want to do.
Eat nourishing food.
Call a friend.
Listen to music.
Go to bed early.
Stretch regularly.
Watch something funny.
#6 Identify your external supports (and use them).
If you have a good (or even good enough) relationship with your parents and in-laws, now is the time to really use them. Send the kids to grandma and grandpa’s house for the afternoon so you can take a break!
If you don’t have family nearby, call a babysitter. Take advantage of the child care at your gym. Send a hail mary text to a friend and offer to keep an eye on her kids tomorrow morning if she’ll watch yours this afternoon.
Even if it’s just for a couple of hours, breaks are monumentally helpful in avoiding or recovering from parental burnout. Call on the people who care about you. You deserve support!
#7 Get great sleep.
Summertime seems to be sleepless—staying up late and waking up at the crack of dawn to pack in all the activities you and your kids have been looking forward to. But sleep, especially when we’re feeling burned out, is really really important.
Use these tips to get some better sleep:
Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day.
Get more natural sunlight during the day.
Avoid late night exercise.
Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine within four hours of going to bed.
Keep your bedroom environment ideal for sleep: cool, dark, and quiet.
Create sleep rituals to practice 15-30 minutes before bed: hot baths, prayer, meditation, stretching, reading, or other relaxing activities.
Avoid long naps, especially after 4 pm.
Only use your bed for sleeping and sex, since watching TV, snacking, or working in bed can confuse your body.
Avoid screen time 30 minutes to an hour before bed.
Share nighttime responsibilities with your partner.
You’re this close to the end of summer.
You’re not broken if you’re having a hard time right now. You’re not a bad mom if you’re feeling a little (or even a lot) sick of your kids. Summertime is especially tough on parents, and you are not alone!
For more tips and tricks, check out my, Parental Burnout Workshop.
Sources
Mikolajczak, M., Raes, M.-E., Avalosse, H., & Roskam, I. (2017). Exhausted Parents: Sociodemographic, Child-Related, Parent-Related, Parenting and Family-Functioning Correlates of Parental Burnout. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 27(2), 602–614. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0892-4
Mikolajczak, M., & Roskam, I. (2018). A Theoretical and Clinical Framework for Parental Burnout: The Balance Between Risks and Resources (BR2). Frontiers in Psychology, 9. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00886
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. (n.d.). Help Yourself. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/.
Tucker, P., Folkard, S., & Macdonald, I. (2003). Rest breaks and accident risk. The Lancet, 361(9358), 680. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0140-6736(03)12566-4
